Who Won Skating,Pics

Who Won Skating,Pics: “Thank you to all out stars for putting their lives and their dignity on the line”

- Vernon Kay

That is the first and only funny line the otherwise abysmally annoying Vernon has said all season. Please England, take him back and never send him to our shores again! We’ll give you Boston back if that sweetens the deal. Sorry about that tea in the harbor business! 

Tonight’s finale starts out with a bang as Johnny Weir, dressed like the unholy baby of Prince and an Osprey performs an ‘I know why the caged bird sings’ dungeon inspired routine with some of the other skaters. It was dark and weird and AWESOME and it almost made me sorry this freak show is over. 

Then, just when I think things can’t get any stranger, they haul out the old bones of Sean Young and Vince Neil and make them perform bits from their old routines again. Vince and Jennifer bring back their tango and he looks like he would rather be having anal surgery than be on that ice again. Should have looked more closely at that contract Vince! Brandon still can’t skate due to “illness” but manages to cheer loudly from the audience and look as healthy as a horse. Hmm? What ‘disease’ is he suffering from? Acute Cheesy TVitis? That’s gonna make working on the Disney channel awful tough.

Jonny and Brooke come out and re-performed one of their routines that I’ve already forgotten and since he’s in “fuck it, I lost anyway” mode they stumble and even fall for the first time. Yay! Falling! Much like the true meaning of Christmas, I’d forgotten the true reason to watch this show.

Then the judges come out and Johnny does not disappoint with his last outfit of the season, which is a puffy white suit that could have been ripped off of Bette Davis’ back on the set of All About Eve. If you’ll allow me one more bit of Johnny adoration, I’d like to point out that he could very well be the only person on Earth who actually pulls of a mullet. There, I’m done. I love you Johnny Weir!! Ok, NOW I’m done.

As for the finalists, both Rebecca and Bethenny seem like genuinely fun people and not nearly as irritating as some of the other contestants (I’m looking at you, Sean). In tonight’s outfit-off both women look amazing so I’m declaring a tie! Bethenny is wearing a crazy sexy red dress that reminds me of Michelle Pfeiffer slinking on a piano in The Fabulous Baker Brothers and Rebecca looks adorable in a skin tight, slightly retro purple Katy Perry inspired outfit.

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